The following is a short story that I wrote as homework for the Scribbler's Writer's group which I currently belong to. The theme was to "write about a crime I would commit if I knew I would get away with it!" For some reason this humorous group of unlikely lady villains popped into my head.
The
Belly Dancers
The three of us met at the belly dancing class as usual
on Thursday afternoon at the Town hall.
Vivacious Vera is blonde and recovering from a stroke so
she goes to improve her coordination and cheer herself up a bit.
Kelly has M.E. the same as me, and we both go to the
class to maintain our fitness and also have a much needed laugh.
But it’s a struggle for all three of us, not just
physically doing the dancing but also paying for the classes.
We are all out of work for the foreseeable future, no one
would employ us even if we did feel up to the job.
So it was after the class, at the bar, over our glasses
of shandy, and while comparing notes on how poor we were, that Vera, who had
just lost her incapacity benefit appeal, came up with an idea.
“I know, lets rob a bank!” she exclaimed, looking flushed
from the dancing and laughing at the craziness of her idea.
Kelly and I laughed too, but the longer we sat there
drinking our shandies the more it became an interesting proposition.
Hadn’t that bank been robbing us for years anyway? With
extortionate fees and interest rates? While we each struggled with depression
and the hopelessness of our individual situations.
“Yes lets do it!” I said resolutely and straightened my
back.
“Yes, why not, what is there to lose” I laughed.
Kelly looked at me wide eyed and bemused and then at
Vera, trying to ascertain if we were serious or not.
“O.K. I’m in; I could knit the balaclavas!” She laughed.
Next day we met at Kelly’s and planned the robbery.
We would all wear our belly dancing costumes with veils
covering our faces.
Kelly’s son had two high powered water pistols that
looked just like shotguns, so we commandeered them for the heist.
Vera had the fastest car, so she would be our get away
driver.
It was down to Kelly and me to do the robbery. We
practiced a few role plays, I learned to say
“Give me all of
your money bitch” in a menacing voice.
While Kelly practiced waving a water pistol around the
room, without firing it, and saying “This is a robbery and I will shoot anyone
who moves” in an equally menacing manner. While trying not to giggle.
We had to move quickly, before we lost our nerve, so we
did the bank the next day.
It was Friday, the bank should be awash with cash.
We met at Vera’s, yesterdays bravado had slipped away, we
all looked pale and worried as we shut the car doors.
I had the loot bags, high class calico shopping bags, one
has to be kind to the environment and look good even during a robbery.
We arrived outside
the bank at 14:00 hundred hours, having first checked there were no police
about.
Vera sat in the drivers seat, engine running, while we
both disembarked and headed for the bank.
I heard the car stall as we entered the building, but it
was too late to turn back, the engine was being turned over and stalling again.
With veils hiding our faces we danced into the bank,
Kelly held her water-pistol high and shouted to everyone there to “Stay still or
be shot!!” I switched on my small music system playing our belly dancing tunes
so we could keep dancing during the raid.
A woman customer screamed, her husband put his hand over
her mouth and held her tight to him.
Kelly pointed the gun at them and shouted “Shut up or be
shot!”
I danced over to the counter and shouted in my best bank
robber's tone of voice
“Give me all the money Bitch!” while shoving the
water-pistol at her chest.
Funnily enough she actually did it, no questions or
suggesting I used the ATM!
She dropped wads and wads of used twenties and tens into
the shopping bags, and finally wads of fifties were thrown into and filled the
last bag.
“That’s all we’ve got she said quietly, gulping back
tears.
“Great because that’s all my bags full up now. Great
doing business with you! And by the way, if you try anything when we’re leaving
I will shoot all of you, do you get me?!
ALL OF YOU bitch!!
I backed out of the bank, Kelly followed waving her
shotgun in the air and shrieking.
We jumped into the car, but Vera couldn’t get it to
start, her face was scarlet.
“It just died!” She gasped
“Now what do I do?”
Just then an elderly man was walking past,
“Hello dear, are you having car trouble?” he leaned
against her window, she nodded through the glass.
“Pop the bonnet, I’ll see what it is, used to be an army
engineer you know!” He smiled reassuringly.
Kelly and I were beside ourselves, frozen to the seats
hearts pounding.
“Try not to look suspicious” I whispered to her as we
whipped off our belly dancing veils and buttoned up cardigans over our
costumes. Kelly started pulling on a pair of stretch jeans, tucking the costume
into them.
I wrapped a long skirt around my ensemble and began
hyperventilating.
Just as I started passing out, the old man said “arh
that’s your problem, some dirt in the spark plug”, he got an old hanky out and
wiped it clean, returning the plug to its rightful place with some gadget he'd taken out of his car tool kit.
I passed out, but woke up to find us in Vera’s garage,
with Kelly shaking me and offering a glass of water.
So we did it! Got clean away, no fuss or fuzz!
It was in the news, a reward for info. offered, but it
soon got forgotten.
Kelly bought herself a nice house in the country. I had
a long holiday on board a cruise ship. And returned to buy a Scottish castle,
six months later.
Vera bought a very expensive motor home, hired a nice
young man to be her chauffeur and spends her time travelling around, often
dropping in on us or taking us all out for spontaneous trips to nice places. Where
we laugh and talk about belly dancing and water pistols.
